The Big D

By: Anonymous

Dear Diary,

I AM TRIPPIN!!!!!! You are not going to believe what happened!!!! It has been way too long since I have talked to you.  Are you ready for this?!!!! I got the BIG D!!!!! I know, I know, it’s BIG TIME!!!! Everyone is talking about it! I am trying to play it really cool but I CAN”T!!!!! I GOT THE BIG D!!!!! IT’S WICKED CRAZY!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly, I really wasn’t sure if I wanted to do it or not.  Everyone was being so mental about it.  Suzie was all like, “Are you sure you want that? I heard it’s super scary and can hurt.”  But Suzie is a big-time poser and always cries at lunch time about the stupidest stuff.  She thinks she needs to have more time to like veg and stuff.  Plus, she said she can’t handle the work out that Coach Jillian gave us, but I can totally rock that workout! She is such a spazz.

Brianna said her sister did it and swore it was the best thing EVER! Brianna is kinda a ditz but I love her sister! Maria is the definition of bodacious. She is so brave and just says whatever she is thinking.  Plus, she wants to own her own business and only let woman work at the business.  How rad is that?! Girls Rule and Boys Drool!

Tyler (who totally needs to take a chill pill in the closet) told me his Dad wants the big D but his Mom doesn’t!!!! I am so sure they should be on the same page.  Guess not.  Barf.

Sam stopped me in the hallway yesterday and said, “How are you? Are you doing okay?” He asked me as if he knew!!!! Can you tell if someone got the D by just looking at them?! I told him I was fine in the most fake way ever. I am not an actor. I think he knew I was lying.  Then I told him his belt was wicked!  I am so stupid!  “Your belt is like totally wicked!” I mean who says that? And plus…you know…it was kind of pointing out…or close to his…which would remind him of the letter D and encourage him to just spread the word to everyone.  Tell the world that I got the D.  I mean I am just like asking for it!!!!

My mom is being super harsh! If my mom had it her way I would have never gotten the big D! She said nothing good would come from getting D.  She is such a hypocrite because I know she got the D!!!! Gag me with a credit card and put me on lay way!  Moms are so annoying.

I never thought it would happen but I guess it was inevitable.  I mean it happens to everyone right?  It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Yes, it hurt but now…I feel like, if I can take on the big D, I can take on the world! Right?!

People say that after the D it’s always awkward saying goodbye. It was perfect for us. PSYCH! Well I was perfect.  Him, not so much! After it was finished we walked outside and stood on the corner.  I had it all planned out what I was going to say.  I thanked him for changing our lives for the better and said I would never regret our time together.  I was so grown up and mature.  Totally adulting! You would have been proud.  Do you know what he did?!   He went totally outer limits! He didn’t say one nice thing to me, didn’t thank me for any of my time and completely changed the subject to talk about himself.  Smooth move, Ex-Lax! Another perfect reminder of why I did what I did…

I GOT THE BIG DIVORCE!!!! And guess what mom…THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE!!!!! It totally hurts and it is crazy scary but it’s like the best thing I could have ever done for myself.  It was like, totally awesome!

Love,

Me

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