I remember the very first time that I saw you.
It was Sports Information Technology class, and I was there after normal hours doing some extra credit work. You walked in to talk to the teacher, and that is when I noticed you. You had your hair done up to go out for your birthday, and I remember how blue your eyes looked in the low light. You never noticed me, and I never said anything. We were like two ships passing in the night. Now, I had seen attractive women before, but there was something different about you. Maybe my mind was telling me that there was more to you then what I saw that day. It’s almost as if I knew that we would spend our lives together. Maybe we already had. Maybe we are the culmination of our previous lives spent together. It’s as if I knew you before I knew you. This all happened a year before we got together, and I’m not sure that I ever told you about it.
I remember the first time that we kissed.
We had hung out a few times, and up until this point, had basically gotten to know each other better. I had come over to your house on a Sunday, in my crappy beat up pickup truck, hoping that you wouldn’t come outside to see it…but you did. We went upstairs and watched movies all afternoon, ate dinner, and then hung out until the very early morning hours watching YouTube videos with you sitting on my lap in a chair. I wish I could say I remember what exactly on YouTube we were watching, but I don’t. I was too busy being about as nervous as I had been in my young adult life. I wanted to make a move but didn’t know if I should. Then, out of nowhere, it just happened. I had waited what seemed like my whole life for that kiss.
I remember the first time we moved in together.
For the record, I don’t mean living together with your roommates in college. I mean actually going out in to the world and getting our very own place. It was the fall of 2007 and we had just moved to Clifton Park. So, not only were we moving in together, but we were moving away from everything we knew. We were no longer living in our comfort zone, and at that moment it truly became us versus the world. Whether we made it or failed was completely up to us. We were free, excited, and a little scared. But, I remember feeling like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
I remember asking you to marry me.
I thought I was nervous when we first kissed, but that paled in comparison to this moment. Have you ever felt so organized yet so unorganized at the same time? I had bought the ring when you were out of town and nervously had it hidden in the house for two weeks. I then started to panic that we would get a bill in the mail for the ring, and that you would see it. I remember taking you to the lake, having a picnic, and feeling like I would puke the entire time. I think I even kept my hand in my pocket the whole time just to make sure I didn’t lose the ring. I never thought you would say no, so I am not sure why I was so nervous, but I was.
I remember the day you told me you were pregnant.
You kept begging me to come home before going to work at the fair. Me, thinking that it was just an extra step and an inconvenience, could not understand why I would need to come home. Not only that, but I had a friend with me, and you told me that I should come alone, what nerve! Once home you gave me a present…. a present that to this day has changed my life. It was the pregnancy test, and I was completely floored. I can honestly say that I have never been more excited for something than I was that day.
I remember a lot of things. Things that seem trivial, or nonsensical, but I remember them. These are just the important ones. The moments that have made us who we are today. They aren’t the little things. Like, when you laugh too hard, you sometimes snort. Or, the way you pout your lip when you want something. All the little things that make you, you.
I can honestly say that up until this point seeing you that day in college has remained one of the defining points of my life.
What you have brought to me over the past 12 years is love, caring, and humility. You have shown me that it is ok to not follow the norms but to create our own. You have shown me what a person should strive for in a significant other and what I should be to them.
I hope you realize that when I say I love you more, I am not saying that I love you more than you love me. I am saying I love you more then the fight we will have next, or the disagreement on who should clean the kitchen, or the times where one of us forgets to think of the other. Over any situation, problem, or exciting times, I love you more. We have made it this far by believing in each other, and we should continue to do so for many years.
I love you, and I hope you realize it.
Happy 9th anniversary.