“Grace”

By: Danielle Wilson

I spent my teens and twenties at odds with my body

removing hair

controlling curves

manipulating hormones

I didn’t want being a woman to hold me back

or slow me down

and the parts of me that seemed

imperfect

I tried to mold closer to perfection.


Then I got pregnant

and try as I could to exercise

eat healthy

and avoid getting huge

my body slowly took the wheel

doing whatever was necessary to grow that baby

letting me know what it needed:

movement or rest,

vegetables or bread.

Oreos.

Resistance was futile

and I had to give in to myself

as my body changed shape

and adjusted its habits accordingly.


Sometimes, I felt separate from the vessel

the captain of a ship on autopilot.

From pregnancy to birth to breastfeeding,

to its ability to survive on mere hours of sleep,

my body knowingly directed the course.

Always moving forward. Always providing.


This feeling of separateness

has allowed me the perspective to see it all work together:

the parts, the rhythms, the cycles and the seasons

the synchrony.


So now I extend some grace and kindness to myself.

No more squeezing or lifting or ripping or medicating.

I am at peace with my curves because they supported my baby.

I appreciate the nuances of the cycle that helped create life.

I acknowledge my moods and stress and try to give myself space

to listen and to feel what is right.

I trust what my body is trying to do,

despite me always getting in its way.

One thought on ““Grace”

  1. Just me here. The proud mother in law. For you to master this at such a young age is remarkable. You get it! The plans for your “vessel” are out of your hands at times. Keep up the great job

    Liked by 1 person

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